Mental Health, Triggers & the weight of it all

The past few weeks have been hard—hard in a way that’s difficult to put into words. I’ve been struggling to keep up with daily life, whether it’s chores, work, or school. No matter how much rest I try to get, I still feel exhausted. There’s this constant pressure in my head, a weight sitting right at the front, and my mind never stops worrying. Worrying about things out of my control, about the people I love, about the future, about everything.

Even CHAP-OH, something that truly makes me happy, has felt difficult to keep up with. Not because I don’t love it, but because my energy just isn’t there. And when you pour so much of yourself into something, but feel too drained to give it your all, it’s frustrating.

On top of all of this, I’ve had some difficult memories resurface. The other day, I drove past a car accident—not even witnessing the impact, just the aftermath—and it shook me to my core. The airbags had gone off, and a woman was screaming in shock. I froze. I wanted to help, but I also felt this intense fear, this battle between my instinct to assist and my own safety. So I drove on, but the guilt nagged at me. I turned around, but by the time I got back, the police had finally arrived.

The whole situation made me angry. Not just at myself for hesitating, but at society. Why did no one else stop? Have we really lost our sense of compassion? Seeing people in distress and just driving by—it broke my heart. I know not everyone feels equipped to help in situations like that, but shouldn’t we at least try?

I think this experience hit me so hard because it wasn’t just about that moment. It triggered something deeper—memories of my own accident, the trauma, the helplessness. And maybe that’s why everything has felt so overwhelming lately. Sometimes, our minds and bodies hold onto pain in ways we don’t even realize until something brings it all crashing back.

I don’t have the perfect words to wrap this up with a neat little bow, because I’m still in it. Still tired, still working through it, still trying. But I know I’m not alone. And if you’re struggling too, just know that you’re not alone either. Sometimes, just acknowledging the weight of it all is the first step toward lightening the load.